DADT: A (Former) Soldier’s Story
As a freshly-minted 26 year old lawyer and 1st Lt (Promotable), I was the youngest member of the Army Judge Advocate General’s Corps to serve as Chief, U.S. Claims Office – Brussels, and as such, the legal advisor and general attorney to the U.S. NATO community in Brussels.
I am from an old Southern family steeped in tradition, including military service, and my mother served for 30 years on the civilian side of the Department of Defense. I am also a second generation American through one grandparent; members of my extended family lived behind the Iron Curtain.
With the Cold War raging, a family tradition of service, and my young “Reagan Republican” beliefs, there was no way I was not going to do my military service. And fear of discovery of my sexuality was ever-present during my tour of active duty. As a late bloomer from a very religious family, I questioned my sexual identity throughout my 20s, including the entire time during which I served on active duty: my sexuality was more of a concept than a reality.
For me, the growing focus on sexual identity witch hunts in the American political environment and in the military community was even more distasteful, because I felt it was an unnecessary philosophical attack with profound and unfair consequences on individuals. An individual simply revealing his/her sexual identity questions could be dishonorably discharged despite an excellent record of patriotic service. Meanwhile a sexually active, single, straight person (or even a quietly adulterous married one) would be accepted and even celebrated as normal.
Ironically, the U.S. military and government position created unnecessary security risks by forcing individuals to lie about or hide elements of their lives, and even their thoughts. From a relationship perspective, the esprit de corps — so essential to military cohesiveness — was damaged, as individuals could not share their lives and thoughts, except with the most trusted of colleagues – and even then at great risk. It’s worth noting that my military peers in whom I confided at the time were very supportive, though ultimately unable to do anything to alter policy.
I served well and very proudly. When asked to re-up and continue serving at NATO at the end of my first tour, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my professional and personal life. I left the military. After 3 years of honorable service for which I was awarded the United States Army Commendation medal, I changed direction and created a new career and life path, simply because of my sexual orientation, rather than risking dishonor to myself, my family, and serious damage to my career.
Society must remember that there are long-standing and highly valued codes of conduct and honor in each branch of our military. Every Soldier, Sailor, Marine, Airman, and Coast Guard chooses upon taking the oath of office not only to protect and defend the U.S. Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, but also at a fundamental level he or she chooses to abide by those codes of honor. Failure to do so results in consequences – regardless of one’s sexual orientation.
It is ironic that brave, self-disciplined, patriotic and honorable young men and women have been dishonored and disgraced over ideology. Although this particular water is long ago under the bridge for my own life, I am grateful and hopeful for a new day for others because of the pending repeal of DADT. Oh, to be 26 again in the great United States of America in 2010! “This We’ll Defend” – and for ALL of us Americans!
Michael W. Rawlings, JD (Proud Former Captain, U.S. Army Judge Advocate General’s Corps) and
an Accredited Genealogist, a member of the Virginia Bar Association and serves on the Board of Directors of Swem Library at The College of William and Mary, his alma mater where he earned degrees in American Studies and Comparative Religion.
The views expressed are those of the author, and do not reflect the policy or position of any organization public or private including the U.S. Army Judge Advocate General’s Corps or Foreign Policy Digest.
